A lot of you keep asking me, “tu din bhar karta kya hai” (what do you do all day in your free time). Here’s the answer. In what follows, most of the lines were spoken in the head, some aloud. And it’s not this coherent in original, it’s been paraphrased.
“I need a plan. I really need a plan. I need to retire, retire early. I can't work for long. I should retire by the time I am 40. Yeah 40 seems reasonable. That gives me 16 years of working life. Spend a couple years doing MBA, and I am left with 14 years. Not bad. I hope I will be able to retire at 40, and not get bogged by social obligation. Obligations? Will I have a family to take care of? A kid maybe?
[No comment on this status update yet? Why isn’t anyone online?]
Hmm, I can have a kid. How old would he be then? Around 7 I guess. Yeah 33 seems to be a good age to have a kid. And when the kid is 7, that’s a good time to retire. Give my nurturing instincts a way to express themselves [chuckles to self]. Seriously, 7 is a good age to have fun with the kid. None of that diaper shit to take care of and none of the teenage tantrums that will come later. I will probably send the kid to some boarding school when he turns 14. Go throw tantrums at those boarding school people and stop bugging me. Yeah, 7 – 14 is good time to spend with him.
[Google Search: Lara Dutta wardrobe malfunction. LOL]
Ummm, if it’s a girl I can probably like her till she is, like, 16. More importantly, she will start hating me by then I guess. Stupid Claire Bennett. She has spoiled the good teenage girl image – I love daddy, I hate daddy, I want to be special, I want to have a normal life. For all her cuteness, she is one irritating bitch.
[Heheheh. Funny comment. “Like. Like”]
Though if I am having a kid at 33, when am I getting married. 32? 31? Nah, got to have at least 3 years without the kid. The kid spoils everything [chuckle to self again]. So I have to get married at 30. That gives me what, 6 years, from now? Damn, that’s very less. Ummm, do I like want to find a girl, fall in love, have an affair, a prolonged romance and then get married? Do I want all that? Shit, 6 years is too less for that. Shit, the plan is getting screwed up.
[Damn the fail whale. Aaaarrrgggghh.]
Ah wait. There’s a solution. No need getting married at 30. Oh super idea. Find a girl, get drunk, get laid, get her pregnant, and guess what, then I can marry her. Will she go for it? Well she would be over the hill herself, and may decide what the hell; probably it is time to settle. She might even treat the pregnancy as a divine sign telling her to settle down. Her self-respect should not be an issue. I mean she is sleeping around with me when I am 33, how much self-respect does she have to begin with.
Hehe. That seems like a good plan. It’s almost like the perfect plan. I am too awesome.
[Hohohoh hahaha hohoho. Jon Stewart. You are a genius. Ummm … gotta tweet that.]”